February 03, 2009

Doe Code of Honor

"Trouble" and her newborn doeling.

This post is for Claire and Becky, and all the other goat "midwives" out there losing sleep doing night checks and pulling out hair waiting for does to kid. My does know these tricks all too well and I can directly attribute a few premature grey hairs to the Doe Code of Honor. It is all worth it when you have precious new babies on the ground. My does won't start kidding until the end of March but I can't wait because despite the torment, kidding season really is my favorite time on the farm.

Doe Code of Honor

The doe's secret code of honor is as old as goats themselves and is the species best kept secret. No doe shall ever kid before its time. (Its time being determined by the following factors):

1- No kid shall be born until total chaos has been reached by all involved. Your owner's house must be a wreck, their family hungry and desperate for clean clothes, and their social life nonexistent.

2- "Midwives" must reach the babbling fool status before you kid out. Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the inability to form a sentence mean the time is getting close.

3- For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they attach to you, kidding must be delayed by at least one day for each item. If they use an audio monitor, one good yell per hour will keep things interesting.

4- If you hear the words, "She's nowhere near ready. She'll be fine while we're away for the weekend," Wait until they load the car, then begin pushing!

5- Owner stress must be at an all time high! If you are in the care of someone else, ten to fifteen phone calls a day is a sign you're getting close.

6- When you hear the words "I can't take it anymore!" wait at least three more days.

7 -You must keep this waiting game interesting. False alarms are mandatory! Little teasers such as looking at your stomach, pushing your food around in the bucket and then walking away from it, and nesting, are always good for a rise. Be creative and find new things to do to keep the adrenaline pumping in those who wait.

8- The honor of all goats is now in your hands. Use this time to avenge all of your barn mates. Think about your friend who had to wear that silly costume in front of those people. Hang onto that baby for another day. OH, they made him do tricks too! Three more days seems fair. Late feedings, the dreaded diet, bad haircuts, those awful wormings can also be avenged at this time.

9- If you have fulfilled all of the above and are still not sure when to have the kids, listen to the weather forecast on the radio that has been so generously provided by those who wait. Severe storm warning is what you're waiting for. In the heart of the storm jump into action! The power could go out and you could have the last laugh. You have a good chance of those who wait missing the whole thing while searching for a flashlight that works!

10- Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg for food each time someone comes into the barn to check you. Your barn mates will love you as the extra goodies fall their way too.

Remember, this code of honor was designed to remind man of how truly special goats are. Do your best to reward those who wait with a beautiful doeling to carry on the Doe Code of Honor for the next generation of those who wait.

Author Unknown

14 comments:

Claire said...

Now....NOW I understand! This is hilarious. AND TRUE!! ARGGGHHH!!!

Thank you so much for this secret glimpse into the goat mind. I feel much better knowing it is not just me who is losing my marbles.

Patrice Farmer said...

What a pretty little baby!!! How cute is that picture. I would love to have a picture like that, I'd put it on my computer.

Alix said...

Hilarious Jennifer. See, I was all wrong. I thought this doe kidding stuff was a breeze - it being nature and all. Thanks for setting me straight.

Doe Code of honor... Too funny.

Amy said...

LOL, been there done that :-D! Have even slept in a portable recliner chair in our kitchen near our surveillance monitor.

~~~~~~Tonia said...

This TOOOO TRUE!! I had one have babies Saturday and she wasnt even looking like it was soon!! And now the ones that are losing their ligaments just keep going!! Stinkers...

Becky said...

Thanks Jennifer... but I think my goat already has this on her stall wall.lol

goatgirl said...

I will copy this and tack it to the goat stall. Just high enough that it won't be eaten.

KathyB. said...

I have to say, my sheep pull a few of those tricks, but the does were masters of them. My does especially waited until I was dressed to go to appointments in town. If I was decked out in my heels then I could be sure they would need assistance JUST before I got into the car. Right then ! Like NOW!

Very funny..and happy kidding.

Mama said...

That is awesome,I needed a giggle;)Trouble is too cute,congrats to Mom & farm.

Bethany said...

The code feels very true today! I was up until 2am with a doe and then 4am and now 6am. Ugh...

Love the picture

Hot Belly Mama said...

I laughed so hard at this! I've never had a goat (yet) but now I am pretty sure I have a good idea what I am in for!

Flartus said...

"Those Who Wait." Sounds like a mystical cult, but I'm betting the truth is much less serene!

DayPhoto said...

That was great! I laughed and laughed.

Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com/

JLB said...

I laughed very hard...This is very true...

we have a problem though, I think the does are sharing this information with the cows.